Clik here to view.
John Lewis ad proves UK is ready for apocalypse
It doesn’t need your money, you stupid bastards; it just wants to live in your freezer The nation’s tearful response to the John Lewis Christmas advert has proved conclusively that levels of emotional...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris tipped to win Sports Personality of the year
His achievements have been called “Impossible to measure” In what is widely considered to be the bestest ever year for UK sport, bookies have chosen their favourite from the rather long shortlist for...
View ArticleClik here to view.
All Tory-Lib Dem communication now to take place via radio phone-ins
“You want Pickles to do WHAT??? You can’t say that on radio!!!” The conservatives and liberal democrats are hoping to quell divisions in the coalition by restricting all interaction to conversations...
View ArticleClik here to view.
BoJo mauled by Eddie Mair
Surgeons say they may not be able to restore Johnson’s broken face to its former, rugged handsomeness Mayor of London Boris Johnson is understood to be fighting for his life after being savagely...
View ArticleClik here to view.
London Underground workers to be redesignated as gladiators
On the Tube no one can hear you scream TfL has unveiled exciting new cuts to London Underground, which will involve closing every single ticket office, bringing staff out from the relative safety of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris Johnson’s ‘Huzzah for Inequality!’ speech backfires
“Oh shit” Boris Johnson uncharacteristically found his foot in his own mouth on Wednesday night, after an attempt to channel the spirit of Margaret Thatcher during a lecture backfired drastically....
View ArticleClik here to view.
‘There’s definitely no property bubble in London’ say London estate agents
‘This lovely bijou residence combines rustic charm with proximity to a busy freight railway line, for soothing night-time ambience. A steal at £799,999.’ A consortium of London’s estate agents has...
View ArticleClik here to view.
RMT celebrates decisive victory
Bob Crow said he was delighted this morning, after two days of extensive striking by London Underground staff achieved “more than we ever dreamed possible.” As news broke that literally all the demands...
View ArticleClik here to view.
“Some of our best friends wear bin bags!” protest Tories
“If they’re allowed to dress like bloody bin liners, why can’t we bloody well point that out?” said senior Tories, who really shouldn’t be allowed out unsupervised. A Conservative spokesman has...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Daily Cartoon: Bob Crow’s passing
Once again the Guardian’s Stefan Belle turns the acerbic blowtorch of his scintillating wit onto the news of the day. Here Belle mourns the passing of a titan, and the inevitable mean-spiritedness of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris to eat dinner
The dinner revelations have not helped anyone solve the impossible conundrum over whether or not BoJo will return to the mainstream of British politics or make a leadership challenge The UK’s media...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris calls for small change in law to let him become Emperor
Behold! The God-king descends majestically from the sky! After calling this morning for legal reforms to do away with “All that rotten guff about fair trial and habeas corpus“, Boris Johnson has now...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris lambastes “Tory nutters for joining Ukip nutters”
The very Reckless Mr Mark Stupid MP In the run-up to his headline performance at this year’s Conservative Party conference, Boris Johnson has attacked Tory defectors for being “Nuts. But, er…not in,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Boris wins Kim Sears from Murray
Boris pledges to bring down Dave Cameron if it costs him his life. The world of tennis (which is a bit like the normal world, only smaller, not actually a planet, and concerned exclusively with the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Cameron: ‘I can’t afford to stay in low-paid job for 10 more years’
‘But…but…you *can’t* go! We’ll miss you so much!’ said no one David Cameron shocked pundits yesterday by announcing he would definitely not be standing for a third term as Prime Minister. In an...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Breaking the law “fine if you don’t know you’re doing it” says Boris
He used the same excuse when he murdered those gypsies too Bungling London mayor Boris Johnson has defended giving his wife a ‘backie’ on his bike, saying that “Breaking the law doesn’t count unless...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Mortarboard scourge finally ended
You could have someone’s eye out with that The perils of airborne mortarboards at graduation ceremonies have finally been curbed in Norwich, after the University of East Anglia bravely outlawed the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
“Now it’s just getting sad” say Tories
L is for Labour The Conservative party said today that Labour was now so impotent that beating them wasn’t even fun anymore. George Osborne said “We’ve done everything we can to lure them back into the...
View Article
